


Find Dirk Gently

by DontOffendTheBees



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Fights, Gen, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Rescue Missions, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 10:25:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11378286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontOffendTheBees/pseuds/DontOffendTheBees
Summary: Everything happened at once. The once-dark room became a disorienting haze of flashing light, the noise caught him off guard and he froze, ears ringing.And Dirk opened his eyes.Which would have been fucking great, if there had been any Dirk left inside them at all.Ficlet with multiple-choice ending (to varying degrees of angst), inspired by the new s2 teaser. See notes for chapter-specific warnings.





	1. The Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning- from where all the different versions branch off. Read this first!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so guess who's freaking out about that new teaser??!??!?!??!??!??!?!?
> 
> i had too many ideas about it to keep bottled up so i'm getting them out right now- this fic is gonna be kind of a choose-your-ending deal. one's hella angsty, one's sorta angsty, one's pretty happy, so you can choose your poison! obvs you can read all if you want- if you do that i'd sure love to know which your favourite is!
> 
> enjoy! (or not)
> 
> (also i know there's debate as to whether in the trailer it says 'find dirk gently' or 'i'm dirk gently' but i picked the one i figured was most relevant for this fic as the title so whatevs)

“I can’t believe I’m doing this…” Todd muttered, grunting as he dragged himself along the cold metal floor. “I mean, come on, _air vents?_ Do people actually _do_ this?”

“Dude,” Amanda’s voice crackled in his earpiece. “You, like, are _literally_ doing it right now.”

“I still call bullshit.”

“Close,” said Vogel from behind him, sounding nervous and excited. “Close!”

“Shit- okay, Todd, I think you’re coming up to the Rowdies,” said Amanda excitedly.

“So Dirk should be just up ahead, right?” Todd asked, pulse elevating.

“Yeah, if Farah’s intel’s good. Vogel, peel off, get the boys!”

“Got it!” Vogel chirped, scurrying off down a branching vent.

“Todd, keep going- you’re gonna be right on top of Dirk’s cell!”

“Okay,” he gulped, dragging himself forward again. “Okay…”

He couldn’t believe it. His heart was racing, his muscles tighter than a bowstring. Every inch forward was an inch closer to Dirk. He didn’t even have it in him right now to pretend he wasn’t fucking ecstatic.

“Hang in there, Dirk,” he whispered, inching ever closer. “I’m coming for you…”

* * *

 

The cell was dark and silent when he dropped carefully through the ceiling vent. His feet made a deafening _thud_ on impact with the cold hard floor. Shit. No wonder Dirk hadn’t already escaped, that vent was _way_ too high for one person to reach alone. Two people, though…

He cast his gaze about the darkened room. Even in the gloom he could see it was totally bare. No chairs, no tables, nothing on the walls. Not the tiniest trace of personality to be found, from floor to blank white ceiling.

But there was a bed.

And on that bed, fast asleep, there was a very familiar person.

Todd held his breath as he approached. He couldn’t believe it. It was _him._ And he still looked like… well, like himself. He’s not sure what he expected- maybe he expected him to be bony and emaciated from malnutrition, or black and blue with bruises. But as he got closer he could see that there was nothing out of the ordinary beyond the drab jumpsuit that the Dirk he knew wouldn’t be fucking seen dead in. It was _him._

He hesitated by the bed. Dirk apparently hadn’t heard him drop to the floor and was sleeping soundly, if a little stiffly. Fuck, was that really how Dirk slept? Flat on his back, arms by his sides like a soldier. It was… unsettling. No, he needed to wake him up, and fast. But carefully, too- he didn’t want to scare him, god only knew what kind of wake up calls he’d been getting in this place.

Breath held, heart in his throat, he reached for Dirk’s shoulder.

And that’s when the sirens started blaring.

Everything happened at once. The once-dark room became a disorienting haze of flashing light, the noise caught him off guard and he froze, ears ringing.

And Dirk opened his eyes.

Which would have been fucking great, if there had been any Dirk left inside them at all.


	2. The Low Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the darkest timeline- angstiest version of this ending I'll write, be warned!
> 
> WARNING: violence, brainwashing, amnesia, some blood, unhappy ending (not character-death unhappy, but it ain't exactly hopeful)

“Dirk-“

He barely got the word out before Dirk’s hand was flying up, locking painfully around his wrist and twisting. Barely managed a gasp of pain before Dirk’s other hand was lashing out and punching him in the gut.

If he’d been ready for it, if he’d been even _remotely_ expecting it, he might’ve recovered quickly and broken out of Dirk’s grasp. But he wasn’t ready, and he wasn’t fucking expecting it and he was going down, doubled over in pain and helpless to fight the iron grip on his wrist as Dirk twisted it up behind his back and slammed him to the floor.

He was pinned, Dirk’s knee on his back, Dirk’s hands restraining his, face pressed to the cold linoleum and he couldn’t move no matter how hard he squirmed. Either Dirk was stronger than he remembered, or he was still in too much shock to get the force behind his fighting.

“Dirk!” he finally choked out, flexing his arms against Dirk’s grip and finding it unyielding. “Dirk, Dirk, it’s me! It’s Todd!”

His hold only seemed to grow tighter, knee digging further.

 _“Jesus Christ, Dirk, it’s me!”_ he cried, voice hoarse with panic. “I’ve here to _help_ you, just- let me _go!”_

With a burst of power he didn’t know he had, he bucked Dirk off him and broke free, scrambling to his feet.

But Dirk wasn’t going to be beaten that easily.

He lunged at Todd, throwing his entire weight into him, shoulder planted in his chest and pushing. Todd could barely withstand such an assault but he kept his feet on the ground somehow, hands locking claw-like on Dirk’s shoulders and pushing back for all he was worth.

But Dirk was bigger than him, and fighting like he had nothing to lose. Todd was rapidly losing ground in this struggle, and before he knew it his back was against the wall and he was pinned again. He kicked and scratched and struggled but it was no use, Dirk blank and unresponsive to the blows.

And then Dirk’s hand was at his throat, and he froze in panic.

“Dirk,” he said, voice catching as the hand pressed in closer. “Dirk, please, I-it’s me, I-I’ve come to _help_ you, w-we’re gonna get you out of here, okay? I-I don’t know what they _did_ to you b-but we’re gonna fix it, okay? Just-“ the hand squeezed tighter, cutting his air- “ _Dirk, fuck, fuck Dirk, please-!”_

But Dirk just watched him. No sympathy, no recognition. No fucking curiosity, even. Just… nothing. Nothing in his face, nothing behind the eyes.

Todd’s vision was blurring round the edges, he was choking and gasping for air and finding none, the hand was cutting into his throat no matter how he clawed at the arm it was attached to, and Dirk…

Dirk was gone.

There was nothing left.

And with that realisation, it was all over. Todd’s limbs went limp, all his fight and fire deserting him because there was nothing left to fight for. No chance Dirk would recognise him, no chance he’d loosen his grip, no nothing.

_Dirk…_

This was it.

_I’m sorry…_

With one last futile gasp for air, Todd’s foggy eyes drifted shut, his racing heart sinking in his chest as the flashing lights faded, darkness falling over his world and silence following close on its heels.

_I was too late…_

But then the hand was gone, and his lungs were filling again and the darkness receded and so did the quiet and he was back in the room, and the lights were brighter and the sirens louder and _what the actual fuck just hap-!_

“Better run, Snack Size,” Martin growled, swinging his bat up over his shoulder. Except it wasn’t a bat, it was a rifle he was holding by the barrel. Behind him the other Rowdies were similarly armed, fidgeting and stomping and gnashing their teeth, and Todd didn’t even have time right now to think about their red eyes or ripped straitjackets because what the fuck happened to-?

“Dirk!” he rasped, casting his eyes to the floor where Dirk lay. He dropped to his knees by his side, patting him down and feeling a pulse, feeling breath from his lips and blood in his hair and _shit,_ Martin must have hit him in the head. Shit. Shit, okay, okay, it’s fine, they could- “help me,” he choked, looking up at the Rowdies as he gathered Dirk’s head in his lap. “He, he can’t walk, we have to-“

“He ain’t comin’ with us,” Martin cut in, Gripps and Cross spitting their agreement behind him. “He ain’t your friend no more, liar boy- boss man got him good, scratchin’ about in his head. Ain’t no one but Icarus in there, now.”

 _“No!”_ Todd yelled, shaking his head and clutching Dirk tight. “No, no, we- we can do something! We just, we need time, and, and to get him out of here- _please,_ I can’t carry him on my own, I…”

He looked up at them imploringly, begging them to see, to understand. He couldn’t give up on Dirk that easily, he just… “Please…”

Martin met his gaze in silence, immovable as a statue even as his boys twitched and growled at his heels.

Then he grunted, and turned round, and gave Cross a jerky nod.

Cross handed his gun-bat off to an excited Vogel and loped forward, scooping Dirk’s prone form up off the floor and over his shoulder like he weighed nothing. “Stay close, Boy Amanda,” he said, nodding sharply as he turned on his heel to follow the other Rowdies out the door.

Todd did as he was told, and tried not to look at Dirk’s hand swinging at Cross’ back like a pendulum as the imprint of it burned against his throat.

* * *

 

“Holy _shit,”_ Todd gasped, sagging onto the floor of the van and clutching his injured arm. “Holy shit, I can’t believe we- _fuck.”_

“Everyone okay?” Farah demanded, re-loading her gun and rolling down the window. “Amanda, step on it!”

“Stepping!” Amanda agreed, eyes wide on the road.

 _“Everyone okay?”_ Farah repeated, leaning out the window and firing a couple of shots off at their pursuers. Todd could hear the skid and screech of a car swerving off the road.

“Yeah,” Todd mumbled, amongst the bays and barks of agreement from the Rowdies. “Yeah, I’m fine, but- Dirk…”

Farah reached back and snapped open the glove compartment. She fumbled around a moment, and tossed a plastic box back to Todd. “Do something about his head. I’ll be with you in a sec,” she grunted, firing off a few more shots.

Todd fumbled with the box as he crawled across the narrow space to Dirk where he lay on the floor, still unconscious. God, he hoped he hadn’t been under too long… He carefully lifted his head into his lap and poked around, pushing his hair aside to look at the damage. Martin’s blow had drawn blood, but it didn’t look as bad as he’d thought. He could just patch it up for now, and later they could do… something.

And then Dirk’s eyes fluttered open, and Todd froze.

For a second they just looked at each other, Todd holding his breath, Dirk just… just watching. And waiting.

And then Dirk sat up so sharply he head-butted Todd right in the skull.

 _“Fucking-“_ Todd grunted, falling back on his ass as Dirk rocketed to his feet. And Then Dirk’s hand was on his throat again and _fucking Christ how many time was this gonna_ \- “Dirk, Dirk- _stop!”_

“Martin!” Amanda yelled, glancing in panic over her shoulder yet unable to move from the wheel. “Martin, do something!”

Todd saw Martin raising the gun-bat again and threw his hand up, eyes bugging. “No, no, don’t hit him aga-!”

But Martin didn’t get a chance to.

Suddenly a slim, dark hand was in front of Dirk’s face, pressing a cloth over his mouth, another arm braced around his shoulders from behind and he released Todd’s throat in favour of fighting back, clawing at the arms locking him in place. But it was futile, and soon his hollow eyes were drifting closed and his clenched hands were going limp and he was sagging back into his assailant as he slipped back into unconsciousness.

Farah carefully lowered him to the floor, hands shaking. “Todd,” she said quietly, staring at him in incomprehension. “What- what _happened?”_

“They… they did something, I-I don’t know,” he shook his head, and he was glad he was already on the floor because he could feel his knees going weak. “He-he attacked me in the cell, too, I think… I think they’ve, like, brainwashed him or-“ his voice was tight, his throat constricted as if Dirk’s hand had never left it. “He… he didn’t even _recognise_ me…”

He stared at Dirk, out cold on the floor.

Or at least, what was left of Dirk.

He felt Farah patting his shoulder, thought he vaguely heard her murmur something reassuring, but he couldn’t isolate the sound against the hollow static in his ears.

_Dirk…_

His hand crept along the floor of its own volition, his fingers twined through Dirk’s own, grasping, clutching.

_Please, Dirk…_

Begging.

_Come back to me…_


	3. The Middle Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the bad but-not-as-bad timeline (possibly the most realistic?)
> 
> WARNING: violence, brainwashing, some blood, angst, slightly more happy ending than the last one but still sad

“Dirk-“

He barely got the word out before Dirk’s hand was flying up, locking painfully around his wrist and twisting. Barely managed a gasp of pain before Dirk’s other hand was lashing out and punching him in the gut.

He wasn’t ready for it, hadn’t been even _remotely_ expecting it, but somehow he made a fast recovery and broke out of Dirk’s grasp, dancing back out of reach. Dirk pounced up from the bed, cold eyes locked on Todd, body tensed to attack, and there was something in his gaze that Todd had never seen before.

Nothing.

“Dirk!” he exclaimed, holding his hands up in front of him. “Dirk, Dirk, it’s me! It’s Todd!”

But either Dirk couldn’t hear him or he didn’t care. He lunged at Todd, throwing his entire weight into him, shoulder planted in his chest and pushing. Todd could barely withstand such an assault but he kept his feet on the ground somehow, hands locking claw-like on Dirk’s shoulders and pushing back for all he was worth.

But Dirk was bigger than him, and fighting like he had nothing to lose. Todd was rapidly losing ground in this struggle, and before he knew it his back was against the wall and he was pinned. He kicked and scratched and struggled but it was no use, Dirk blank and unresponsive to the blows.

And then Dirk’s hand was at his throat, and he froze in panic.

“Dirk,” he said, voice catching as the hand pressed in closer. “Dirk, please, I-it’s me, I-I’ve come to _help_ you, w-we’re gonna get you out of here, okay? I-I don’t know what they _did_ to you b-but we’re gonna fix it, okay? Just…” He clutched at Dirk’s arm, found his way to his hand on his throat, and squeezed it. “ _Please,_ Dirk. Please, it’s- it’s me, please, _please_ recognise me, I-I _know_ you’re in there!”

Dirk watched him, and somewhere in his hollow eyes there was a flicker of… something. It wasn’t a lot to go on, but it was enough. Todd pressed on, hand squeezing Dirk’s, as tight as he could go and then tighter.

“Dirk…” he whispered, fighting for breath. “Dirk, please, I’m- I’m your _friend,_ Dirk, please, I…”

And there it was again. As soon as he said that word he saw it, a flicker of recognition, growing stronger. He squeezed his hand and stared into his eyes, imploring him, chasing that spark down, drawing it out.

Then Dirk blinked, and when his eyes opened again... “T-Todd…?”

“Dirk!” Todd breathed, entire body sagging with relief. “Dirk, Dirk, it’s okay, it’s me, it’s…”

“Todd,” said Dirk again, a little stronger this time, and the emptiness in his eyes was filling bit by bit as he met Todd’s gaze, filling with recognition and relief.

And then, when he noticed his hand gripping Todd’s neck, with guilt. “Todd!” he gasped, snapping his hand back like it had been burned. “Oh, God, Todd, I’m sorry, I’m so- I don’t know what I-!”

“Dirk, Dirk, it’s okay,” Todd croaked, inhaling deep, greedy gulps of air through his mouth as he rubbed his throat. “It’s okay, I’m fine, we just- we need to get out of here, _now.”_

“Yes… yes, yes, we- get out of here, yes, let’s do that,” Dirk babbled, nodding his head a little frantically, voice strangled. He cast his gaze about the room, and Todd could hear the rising panic in his voice. “How- how do we-?!”

“The vents,” said Todd, shoving Dirk’s shoulder and pointing at the ceiling. “I got in that way, we’ll- we’ll be fine, we just need to get up there.”

“But it’s too high!” Dirk shrieked, and yeah, he was _definitely_ panicking now. “How do we- what can we…?”

He was trailing off, his voice slowing, his frantic fidgeting stilling and Todd watched in horror as he saw it again. That awful blankness, creeping back in.

No. _Fuck_ no.

“Dirk!” he barked, snapping his fingers in front of Dirk’s face. “Dirk, _snap out of it!_ Stay with me, okay? We’re gonna be fine! Say it, say it with me! We’re…?”

“We’re… we’re, we’re gonna be fine,” Dirk repeated, blinking rapidly, the darkness receding. “Okay… okay, yes, we’re… yes.”

“Good. Good, okay, just- just help me with this, okay?” Todd mumbled, going for the bed. Maybe they could move it under the vent, give themselves a- _“Fuck!”_ he cried in frustration, noticing with despair that the bed was bolted to the floor.

“Oh, God, Todd, what do we-?!”

_“In ‘ere, boys!”_

A chorus of whoops and howls and stomping feet followed the declaration, and Dirk and Todd whipped round, on high alert.

The Rowdies burst in, breaking down the heavily reinforced door like it was made of paper. They swarmed in in all their bloodstained glory, wielding rifles by the barrel like bats, straightjacket straps loose and cracking like whips on the walls.

And then suddenly Dirk was backed against the wall, Martin’s gun pressed to his chest and pinning him in place.

“Get movin’, Snack Size,” Martin snarled over his shoulder at Todd, leaning further into Dirk’s space. “I’ll handle Icarus.”

“No!” Todd yelled, throwing himself at Martin. He was snatched out of the air by Gripps before he could even get close. “No, no, Martin, he’s not-!”

But Dirk wasn’t exactly helping his case at the moment, because once again his eyes were a void and he was clawing at Martin like a cornered animal.

“He let those docs get in his head, start moving stuff about,” Martin drawled, holding the struggling Dirk in place easily. “He ain’t your friend no more. Boys, get ‘im outta here.”

 _“No!”_ Todd screamed, struggling for all he was worth against Gripps as he started to haul him from the room. “No, Martin, I swear- he’s still in there! Dirk, Dirk, listen to me- you have to come back! _Come back!”_

The universe must have been fucking smiling on him, because Dirk’s struggles tapered off, eyes falling shut as he took a shuddering breath. When he opened them again they were completely, blessedly _full,_ full of fear and guilt and complete blind panic. But it was something, and that was all they’d needed.

“Please, Martin,” Todd pleaded. “We can still help him! I _can’t_ give up on him, he’s- he’s my friend! Please!”

Martin met his gaze in silence, immovable as a statue even as his boys twitched and growled in the background of Todd’s awareness.

Then he grunted. “Fine,” he said, inclining his head slightly as he drew the gun away from Dirk’s chest, releasing him. “But I ain’t takin’ no chances.”

He raised the gun, and cracked it round the back of Dirk’s head.

Todd struggled and yelled, but Martin just calmly knelt at Dirk’s side and held his hand in front of his mouth, checking for breathing. He nodded, then looked up and jerked his head towards Cross.

Cross handed his gun-bat off to an excited Vogel and loped forward, scooping Dirk’s prone form up off the floor and over his shoulder like he weighed nothing. Martin straightened up and turned round in one fluid movement, gun ready to swing as he stalked back the way they’d come.

“Stay close, Boy Amanda,” Cross said, nodding sharply as Gripps dropped Todd back to his feet and they both fell in behind their leader.

With nothing else to do, Todd did as he was told, and tried not to look at Dirk’s hand swinging at Cross’ back like a pendulum, lest he do something stupid like cling to it for dear life.

* * *

 

“Holy _shit,”_ Todd gasped, sagging onto the floor of the van and rubbing his twisted ankle. “Holy shit, I can’t believe we- _fuck.”_

“Everyone okay?” Farah demanded, re-loading her gun and rolling down the window. “Amanda, step on it!”

“Stepping!” Amanda agreed, eyes wide on the road.

 _“Everyone okay?”_ Farah repeated, leaning out the window and firing a couple of shots off at their pursuers. Todd could hear the skid and screech of a car swerving off the road.

“Yeah,” Todd mumbled, amongst the bays and barks of agreement from the Rowdies. “Yeah, I’m fine, but- Dirk…”

Farah reached back and snapped open the glove compartment. She fumbled around a moment, and tossed a plastic box back to Todd. “Do something about his head. I’ll be with you in a sec,” she grunted, firing off a few more shots.

Todd fumbled with the box as he crawled across the narrow space to Dirk where he lay on the floor, still unconscious. God, he hoped he hadn’t been under too long… He carefully lifted his head into his lap and poked around, pushing his hair aside to look at the damage. Martin’s blow had drawn blood, but it didn’t look as bad as he’d thought. He could just patch it up for now, and later they could do… something.

And then Dirk’s eyes fluttered open, and Todd froze.

But Dirk looked up at him with confusion and fear and sweet, dazed recognition, and Todd let himself breathe. “Todd?” said Dirk quietly, barely above a whisper. “Are we-?”

“Yeah, Dirk, we’re- we’re safe,” said Todd softly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. The van lurched worryingly, and he winced. “Well, sorta.”

“Is he okay?” Amanda asked from the front seat, obviously itching to turn round but keeping her eyes glued to the road.

“Yeah, yeah, he’s…” he trailed off, frowning. “Dirk?”

Dirk looked up at him with blank eyes, and Todd’s blood ran cold.

“No, no, _Dirk,”_ he exclaimed, hand on Dirk’s chest pinning him down. “Come back! Don’t do this, man, please, just- just _come back!”_

“What’s happening?” Farah called from outside, firing off a couple more shots.

“He’s, he’s gone again,” Todd yelled, cursing under his breath as Dirk fought against him. “They- they _did_ something to him, I- I don’t know, brainwashed him or- _Dirk, goddammit, fight it! Come back to me!”_

That did it. Dirk blinked, and he was back- kinda. He still looked hollowed out and drained, but it was… it was a _human_ kind of exhaustion, and Todd was gonna fucking take it. “I-I’m sorry,” Dirk whispered, eyes watering. “I… I went away again, didn’t I?”

He stared at Dirk, lying broken and helpless on the floor.

At least it _was_ Dirk. For now.

He thought he vaguely heard Farah lean back in and murmur something reassuring, but he wasn’t concentrating on anything other than Dirk, his eyes, the tears on his cheeks.

_Dirk…_

His hand crept down Dirk’s chest of its own volition, his fingers twined through Dirk’s own, squeezing, seeking.

_Please, Dirk…_

Grounding.

_Stay with me…_


	4. The High Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the brightest timeline
> 
> WARNING: violence, blood

“Dirk-“

He barely got the word out before Dirk’s hand was flying up, locking painfully around his wrist and twisting. Barely managed a gasp of pain before Dirk’s other hand was lashing out and punching him in the gut.

He wasn’t ready for it, hadn’t been even _remotely_ expecting it, but somehow he made a fast recovery and broke out of Dirk’s grasp, dancing back out of reach. Dirk pounced up from the bed, cold eyes locked on Todd, body tensed to attack.

“Dirk!” he exclaimed, holding his hands up in front of him. “Dirk, Dirk, it’s me! It’s Todd!”

But either Dirk couldn’t hear him or he didn’t care. He lunged at Todd, throwing his entire weight into him, shoulder planted in his chest and pushing. Todd could barely withstand such an assault but he kept his feet on the ground somehow, hands locking claw-like on Dirk’s shoulders and pushing back for all he was worth.

But Dirk was bigger than him, and fighting like he had nothing to lose. Todd was rapidly losing ground in this struggle, and before he knew it his back was against the wall and he was pinned. He kicked and scratched and struggled but it was no use, Dirk blank and unresponsive to the blows.

And then Dirk’s hand was at his throat, and he froze in panic.

“Dirk,” he said, voice catching as the hand pressed in closer. “Dirk, please, I-it’s me, I-I’ve come to _help_ you, w-we’re gonna get you out of here, okay? I-I don’t know what they _did_ to you b-but we’re gonna fix it, okay? Just-!”

“Todd.”

It was so quiet Todd almost missed it. He frowned, brow furrowing. That sounded like… “Dirk?”

“Todd, I’m sorry,” said Dirk, and yeah, Todd _definitely_ wasn’t hearing things. That was Dirk’s voice, and it was pitched high in panic and guilt. “I-I had to get you over here, the cameras- they can’t see me recognise you!”

“Dirk, what’s- how- what-?”

“They- they tried to… I don’t know, _reprogram_ me or something,” Dirk babbled, eyes wide and terrified. “And I wasn’t going to let them, but, but then I saw what they were doing to the Rowdies- Todd, they have them in, in _cages_ and, and _strait jackets!_ And, and I knew they’d do that to me, and they’d break me eventually and I couldn’t let that happen so- so I played along. They think they’ve got me brainwashed, and until we’re out of here I need to _keep_ them thinking that!”

Todd blinked, Dirk’s words sinking in. “Shit… Dirk, that’s _genius.”_

Then he punched Dirk’s shoulder. Hard. “But Jesus you _fucking scared me,_ you _asshole!”_

Dirk pouted, obviously resisting the urge to release Todd’s neck and rub the sore spot. “I didn’t have much choice in the matter!”

“Whatever, just- just keep playing along,” Todd muttered, glancing around the room. “Where’re the cameras?”

“One behind me,” Dirk said, inclining his head ever-so-slightly. “One in the far corner on your right. Look scared!”

“Not a problem,” Todd muttered, placing his hand on Dirk’s arm as if trying to push him off. “Okay… okay, we need to think about this. How do we get out?”

“Well, how did you get in?”

“Air vents.”

Dirk stared at him, wide-eyed. “Todd, that’s so… action-hero-y! And, and so _bloody_ unhelpful- have you _seen_ how high that vent is?!”

“We can move the bed, use it as a step up-“

“It’s bolted down.”

 _“Shit._ Shit, okay, well-“

“Todd, not to be picky, but I don’t think this is the most well thought-out rescue plan.”

“Hey, we didn’t exactly have great intel, okay?” Todd snapped, racking his brains for more ideas. “I- I don’t know, I was kinda counting on- _shit,_ what was that?”

They both froze, straining their ears past the blare of the alarms. Footsteps. _Heavy_ footsteps, lots of them. Rapidly approaching. _“Shit!”_ Dirk squeaked, hand on Todd’s shoulder shaking him anxiously. “Guards!”

“Fuck, okay- keep acting!” said Todd, mustering up some fake fear- which was probably only 10% fake, honestly. “Maybe they won’t shoot if you’ve got me under control!”

_“Maybe?!”_

“I’m doing the best I can, okay?!”

Dirk didn’t look happy about it, _at all,_ but he leaned in closer and re-established his grip on Todd’s neck, careful not to squeeze too hard. “I _really_ hope you’re right,” he said, biting his lip and glancing at the door. Then something occurred to him and he turned back. “Oh, and Todd?”

“Yeah?”

Dirk met his eyes, and it was hard to tell in the strobing lights but… it _kinda_ looked like he was blushing. “It’s really good to see you!” he stage-whispered, voice a mixture of outright terror and giddy exhilaration.

Todd felt the blood rushing to his head. Dirk was probably squeezing him too hard. “Yeah,” he rasped, nodding slightly, feeling his Adam’s apple bob against Dirk’s hand. “It’s good to see you, too.”

It was… kind of a nice moment. Crazily enough.

Then the door flew off its hinges, and the moment was over.

Todd knew he was supposed to be acting like he was getting the life choked out of him, but he couldn’t help a glance to the door- and when he did, his face lit up in relief at the sight of the Rowdies. “Oh, thank fu- _hey!”_

His relief immediately turned to panic when Martin hurtled forward like a charging bull and took Dirk down with a shove of his shoulder.

“Run along, Snack Size,” he drawled, raising a rifle by the barrel like a bat, foot planted square on Dirk’s chest as he prepared to swing.

“No, no, Martin, _stop!”_ Todd yelled, lunging forward to grab a hold of Martin’s arm before he could deliver the fatal blow. “He wasn’t really trying to-!”

“I wasn’t!” Dirk squeaked, arms crossed protectively in front of his face.

“We thought you guys were guards! W-we were just pretending-!”

“Y’sure about that, kid?” said Martin, sounding thoroughly unconvinced and borderline furious. “’Cause from what I seen _Icarus_ here’s been real cosy with the quacks in command, ain’t that right boys?”

The other Rowdies practically drowned out the alarms with their jeers. Todd shook his head, still attempting to push Martin’s arms down. “No, no, that was an _act,_ it’s- he’s not on their side!”

That didn’t seem to calm Martin down in the slightest. “Didn’t stop him standing by, letting those scum keep my boys in cages.”

Dirk wrung his hands guiltily, squirming under Martin’s foot! “I was going to try getting you out! I was just… _planning!”_

 _“Martin!”_ Todd snapped, finally succeeding in grabbing the gun and yanking it from the Rowdy’s grip. “He was just doing what he had to do, just _leave it,_ okay? We have bigger things to think about now like, y’know, _getting the fuck out of here?!”_

Martin met his gaze in silence, immovable as a statue even as his boys twitched and growled at his back.

Then he grunted. “Fine,” he said, snatching the gun back but thankfully not aiming to swing it. Dirk breathed a sigh of relief as he lifted his foot from his chest.

It turned into a startled coughing fit when Martin kicked him in his side.

“Hey!” Todd bellowed, outraged. “The hell was that for?!”

Martin looked at him, totally unbothered by his anger. “I still don’t like him.”

He looked down at Dirk, scowled, and jerked his head towards Cross.

Cross handed his gun-bat off to an excited Vogel and loped forward, scooping Dirk’s prone form up off the floor and over his shoulder like he weighed nothing. “Stay close, Boy Amanda,” Cross said as Martin turned and prowled away like a jungle cat, gun swung casually back over his shoulders.

Todd scowled, but did as he was told. He did catch Dirk’s hand as it swung at Cross’ back like a pendulum, though- it was worth it to see the annoyed look on the Rowdy leader’s face.

And, y’know, the bashful smile on Dirk’s was a plus, too.

* * *

 

“Holy _shit,”_ Todd gasped, sagging onto the floor of the van and holding his injured shoulder. “Holy shit, I can’t believe we- _fuck.”_

“Everyone okay?” Farah demanded, re-loading her gun and rolling down the window. “Amanda, step on it!”

“Stepping!” Amanda agreed, eyes wide on the road.

 _“Everyone okay?”_ Farah repeated, leaning out the window and firing a couple of shots off at their pursuers. Todd could hear the skid and screech of a car swerving off the road.

“Yes,” Dirk called amongst the bays and barks of agreement from the Rowdies, eyes wide as he stared at Todd’s shoulder. “Yes, I’m-I’m alright, but Todd-!”

Farah reached back and snapped open the glove compartment. She fumbled around a moment, and tossed a plastic box back to Dirk. “Do something about the bleeding. I’ll be with you in a sec,” she grunted, firing off a few more shots.

Dirk fumbled with the box as he crawled across the narrow space to Todd where he lay collapsed against the wall. He carefully peeled his shirt away from the bullet hole, making Todd wince and hiss as he poked around the tender flesh. Dirk looked about ready to have a panic attack, though, so Todd tamped down the urge to scream as Dirk balled up a wad of fabric the Rowdies threw at him and pressed it to Todd’s wound. They could just patch it up for now, and later they could do… something.

And then Dirk’s eyes fluttered up to meet his, and Todd froze.

Dirk was staring at him, brows drawn together in concern, eyes watering with unshed tears, hair a mess, covered in bruises and dirt and blood (hopefully someone else’s). He looked fucking terrible.

God, he was the best thing Todd had seen in _months._

“Hey,” Amanda called from the front seat, determined to keep her eyes on the road. “Don’t go quiet back there- you guys are okay, right?!”

“I don’t know!” Dirk wailed, staring at Todd’s blood as it seeped through the fabric onto his hand.

“Dirk,” Todd muttered, fighting back a slightly hysterical laugh. “You once survived two fucking harpoons in your shoulder, I think I’ll be okay.”

“I’m so sorry, Todd,” Dirk babbled as he dug around for bandages, blinking furiously, obviously fighting off the urge to cry. “I-I should’ve got myself out sooner, I’ve been tricking them all this time I could’ve-!”

“Dirk,” Todd snorted, head a little… spinney. “Please don’t apologise for _not_ being brainwashed.”

Dirk barked out a surprised laugh, shaking his head. “Alright, fair point.”

He looked at Todd, and with his free hand reached up to tentatively push his dishevelled hair back. “Thank you,” he said softly, the first tear breaking free and rolling down his face. “For… for finding me.”

He stared at Dirk, kneeling right in front of him.

Oh, God. It was Dirk. It was _really_ him.

He thought he vaguely heard Farah yell something, and Amanda yell something back, but he wasn’t concentrating on anything other than Dirk, his warm eyes, the tears on his cheeks and the baffled, elated smile on his face.

_Dirk…_

His hand reached up of its own volition, his fingers twined through Dirk’s, stroking, soothing.

_Thank you, Dirk…_

Promising.

_Thank you for waiting for me…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand that's it!
> 
> just needed to get that out of my system- that teaser sure gave me a lot of feeling to get out!
> 
> of you've stuck with this entire thing, i'd love to hear what your fave version of events was!
> 
> thank you m'dears <3


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